Day 2 aka My First Fail

Didn't take long, huh??

My boss is in town from Sydney, and we had plans to go out for lunch.  But we've had to reschedule for tomorrow, so I had to go and buy my own... and choices aren't great.  I went for a roast beef toasted panini with pesto and vegies.  I tried to get the best thing I could but still... fail.  And who knows what 'lunch' will be tomorrow, but I will do the best I can.

Dinner is steamed bok choy and tomatoes with grilled haloumi.  Super lazy.  But golly gosh, grilled haloumi in coconut oil is totes amazing.  Get on it.

Exercise was a Body Pump class, which I have no doubt I'll feel tomorrow.  My butt is already crying out.

So far I see sweet things and think they would be nice to eat, but no crazy cravings as yet.  I miss that food by habit more than anything.  It'll be the emotional connection that's going to be hardest to crack.
Sorry for the laziest post ever... feeling spent after my workout.  Laters.

Day 1: Feeling good...ish.

Good night's sleep.  Woke up feeling good and excited about my food today, as it included my favourite salad for lunch (see below).  Anyway, I figured I needed something super delish to kick off the week.  Actually you should have something delish EVERY day, but I'm not that adventourous with my cooking so that will come in time.


Breakfast: The Muesli 97% sugar free muesli, with full fat milk.
YUM.  The coconot flakes in this make it absolutely sensational.  Not the full flavour punch that I'm used to, but I'm a toasted museli gal so it'll take some readjusting.  I ordered the two sample sachets (only $5 including postage - bargain!) and I'm really glad I did.  Ate it around 8am, and was hungry by 11am but I also know I'm used to eating quite a lot so I think after a couple of weeks my stomach and brain will realign and I won't be eating so much.  God, I hope so.

Snack:  Slice of Tasty cheese.
Mmm, cheese.  I only brought a small amount, which I'm regretting in case I get hungry later.  But I could definitely get used to snacking on cheese.

Lunch:  Roasted pumpkin and sweet potato with feta, spinach and pine nuts.
This salad is DELICIOUS.  Trust me.  I actually roasted these last week so they were cooked in yucky spray oil, but now I actually have coconut oil I look forward to roasting them again to see how the flavours change.  Unfortunately I was so hungry (well, my brain was... not my stomach) I ate lunch at 11:30am.  Ridiculous.  I look forward to breaking this hold that food has over me.

Snack:  6 Cruskits with Vegemite.
I love Cruskits, and was stoked to see they only had 3.9g of sugar per 100g so were on the 'thumbs up' list.  And I LOVE Vegemite.  I can eat it straight.  So this snack made me happy.  Except that it gave me instant reflux, but this happens with most meals when I'm overweight.

Dinner:  Steak Sandwich - thin beef steak with haloumi and tomatoes.
Kinda dull, but that's ok for now.  Regretted the bread, but that's a lesson.  As long as I've actually defrosted the meat I'm happy with this type of dinner.  Problem is that I ALWAYS forget to defrost the meat in the fridge during the day.  So then I would duck to the supermarket and undoubtedly end up with a dodgy dinner like frozen pizza or nachos.  I need to develop the habit of looking to the next day's food choices and prepare them the night before.

Dessert:  Half a sugar-free chocolate bar.
I wanted to save this for later in the week, but I had a single Tim Tam left in the fridge which was taunting me.  Instead of splurging (it's only the first day of my detox... no harm will be done, right?) I ate the sugar-free chocolate.  It's not the same, but it's certainly scratched the itch.  And I was able to throw the Tim Tam away.  Yes, I know.  It was hard for me too.

Exercise:  Body Attack class at the gym.
It almost killed me, I swear.  When the instructor says 'this will be a really hard class', she's not kidding around.  But I finished it and I sweated it out.
So how did I go today?  Ok, I think.  I'm expecting it to get harder this week, and I'm already thinking that this is a bit silly.  Orange juice has never looked so damn tempting.  I'm really hoping that I can stay strong and see this through.  Two weeks feels like a really, really long time.

Week 0 - Weigh In

As much as this is about making me feel better and my body functioning better, it's also about getting some fat off this body.  So I dusted off the scales and the tape measure and came up with:

• Weight - disgusting.
• Hip Measurement - gross.

Yes, so I'm wimping out and not putting the numbers up.  But let's just say that I've got 20kg to lose to get to my ideal weight, and 10kg to get back to the weight I was about this time last year (when I was just starting to feel good about how I looked).  And I've taken my hip measurements because my stomach has always been my problem area so even on the weeks where I don't see scales movement (especially since I'm getting back into strength training - more on that in another post) I want to see that hip measurement go down.  I have no idea what it should be, but according to one of my favourite online shopping sites I need to get rid of at least 15cm to get to the size I want.

So that's the end goal - 20kg and 15cm.   Goneskis.

Right about now that seems absolutely freaking impossible, but the first focus is 5kg and 4cm lost.  As with any new change in eating I'll probably lose some weight/cm just from being less bloated and improving circulation, so I'd love to think this can happen in the next four weeks.  Which would bring me up to Christmas... and we all know what happens at that time.  But at least I'll feel better about heading out for New Years Eve looking and feeling healthier.

The Plan

So, here's the deal:

• All foods must have less than 5g/mL of sugar per 100g/mL.  This cuts out a lot of foods!  Have a squiz at nutritional labels in the supermarket, it's quite the eye opener.  The only exception is dairy, which can have up to 8g/mL per 100g/mL.  The lactose in dairy products means an automatic 4.7g of sugar will be present, but that's ok.  We will forgive them.
• Speaking of dairy... only full fat.  Don't get lulled into low-fat products, as they pump up the flavour with sugar.  So creamy milk and cheese is on the menu.  I'm a little bit excited about this.
• No fruit.  *tears*  Fruit is full of fructose, which is the exact form of sugar I'm trying to quit.  Which is really going to suck since summer stone fruits have just come into season.
• No processed foods.  Keep it as simple as possible, with as few additives as I can stand.  This will be fine for a week or two, but then I run the risk of extreme food boredom.  I'll hold onto this as long as I can.
• As many vegetables as I can handle.  I'd rather rely on these foods to keep me full rather than lots of protein, just to keep the calories at a somewhat regular level.
• Lots of water.  LOTS OF WATER.  I actually enjoy drinking water, but it's so annoying during the day to keep going to the bathroom.  Suck it up, princess.
• Exercise.  See that fancy gym membership card in your wallet?  Use it, for crying out loud!  At least four times this week.

 I've planned some meals, but nothing too specific.  I think I can wing it this week, but one of my goals next week is to have a better meal plan with actual recipes.  Not just 'meat + whatever vegies I can find'.  Baby steps.

Ready... Set...

So it's the last day I can eat whatever the hell I want... so I am.  Croissants for breakfast, burger and chips for lunch, and dinner is yet to be decided but I know the dessert will involve Tinm Tams.  I know some people might say it would be better for me to not go crazy and indulge, but honestly I'm enjoying each meal as a 'last hurrah'.  I know that while I eat each one I'm conscious of the taste, the sensation, the feelings it invokes.  And so far I'm not feeling any joy from any of these foods.  Good sign!

I've been to the supermarket and stocked up on food for the week - lots of vegies (no fruit - it's full of fructose!), chicken and beef, and enough cheese to keep a tribe of mice happy.  I'm upping my intake of fat to compensate for the lack of sugar, and my research tells me that not only will it curb my sugar cravings but it will also keep me feeling full.

When I was feeling virtuous I would stock my fridge with low-fat dairy.  Skinny milk on my cereal for breakfast, cheese in my lunch wrap, strawberry yoghurt for dessert.  Unfortunately the reality is that by taking the fat out they had to compensate for the taste... so they fill it with sugar.  And then I would wonder why I wasn't losing weight.  Funny that.

I'm actually looking forward to tomorrow.  I like having yummy food to look forward to, a fridge full of good food, and knowing that I'm doing something positive for my health.  And I get to be a smug cow about it... but just to myself.  And this blog.  Promise.

Enough.

I am in a world of pain right now.

An epic hangover, the worst of my life, has me bedridden and unable to eat lest I want to spend some quality time with my toilet.  An excruciating headache that I can't get any relief from for the aforementioned reason.  Reading this computer screen is a struggle.  My hair hurts.  No, I haven't just woken up - it's 2pm.

And yet, it's not the first time this week I've felt like shit.

Every day I've woken up feeling... 'off'.  Bit of nausea.  Bit of a headache.  Sluggish, tired, less than excited to face the world.  I resented having to get out of bed.  The slightest attitude from a colleague, a barista, stranger on the train and I'm raging for the rest of the day.  Except around 3pm, when all I wanted to do was crawl under my desk for a disco nap.

I thought I needed more sleep.  Or less sleep.  More vegies. Less stress.  More exercise.  Less takeaway.  I tried it all, and it made no difference.

Then I had a bad day.  Nothing particularly bad, but a lot of little things went wrong.  I stuffed up at work, left my wallet at home, my train was late - that sort of day.  To top it off, I had a bad eyebrow wax after work where the artist actually took off a chunk of skin with the tweezers and left me bleeding.  I walked out, put on my massive black sunglasses and cried as I walked to the train station.

This is ridiculous. I can't be losing my cool over bad eyebrows.  I've been through bigger issues than this and kept it together better than I am at the moment.  What the hell is wrong with me??

I knew it had to be something in my diet.  And I knew that the 'off' feeling that I've been having, the fragile emotions, the lacklustre energy were all connected.  Then the Universe stepped in and kept throwing blog posts, books, conversations and other little hints at me with such regularity that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Sugar.  Sugar was my problem.  But not a problem I wanted to get rid of.

I.  Love.  Sugar.  I'm all about the hot chocolate with marshmallows, packets of lollies to keep me awake in the afternoon, cupcakes for no reason and dessert every night.  In fact, some nights I would have dessert as my entire dinner.  A whole packet of Delta Creams dunked in milk was my oh-too-often treat after a good or a bad day.

But I had no idea how far this addiction went.  Because sugar is present in so many things that I took to be healthy.  Low fat yoghurt, fruit, sauces, juice.  Loaded with sugar.

I knew that to cut all this sugar out of my life was going to SUCK.  There goes all the treats that I love, and the 'healthy' food that was a staple of my diet.  My thinking would have to adjust, especially my attitude towards food.  The detox is going to hurt.  And I have no doubt that I will question whether it's even worth it.

What I know is this - what I'm doing now clearly isn't working.  I can't mistreat my body like I used to and think I can get away with it.  Recovering takes longer, more foods upset my stomach, and weight doesn't magically disappear.  I need to take better care of myself, not just so I can be healthier in the future but so I'm not a miserable lethargic cow right now.

This blog is a way for me to offload what's in my head and hopefully stop me from going crazy.  It's a way that I can track what I'm doing, if it's working, and maybe show where the weak spots are so I can watch out for them and stay on the plan.  It's also a way for other people to check out what I'm doing, maybe try some things themselves, or just sit back and watch while I go completely mental.  It will happen.  And soon.

And by forcing myself to write this while I feel so miserable, this post will always remind me of how I'm feeling right now.  Yes it may have been the alcohol last night, but I can't blame it for how crappy I've felt for a long time.  I never want to feel like that (or like this) ever again.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to sleep.